I feel like I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Every night I'm just exhausted by the time I put Audrey to bed. That or else I feel like I have some energy but then as soon as I lie down to nurse her, I'm practically passed out. Ever since I figured out how to nurse laying down, I've found it's so easy to just fall asleep with her. Every now and then I wake up a few hours later with my boob hanging out (how attractive), usuallly after being slapped in the face by Audrey. Her arms flail around like crazy. She's really quite dangerous with those things, but it's interesting, she is starting to gain more control of them. I love seeing her notice her hands. She just kind of looks at them like, "What in the world are those things and how do I get them in my mouth?!" Nowadays she usually succeeds at that. And jeesh, she CHOWS DOWN. No lie. I mean, she sucks on them so loudly. As soon as that hand (or many times, it's both of 'em) gets to her mouth, this sense of relief sweeps over her face. It makes me think maybe I should try it sometimes because she makes it look so fun and relaxing. But I've found that if I try to help her get her fists in her mouth she just gets pissed off. I guess the whole "I CAN DO IT" thing starts at a very young age.
Other times, she misses her mouth and ends up looking a little something like this:
And I mean, that's cool, too.
Since I've been in and out of the hospital every day to visit my mom, some of our friends have been watching Audrey more. There have been a few times that she's gone in with me; I know my mom misses her and I think it helps to lift her spirits sometimes. However, it is a hospital, so I don't want her spending too much time there. Other times she'll hang out with Spencer (Dad), too, which is probably my first choice. I always feel bad leaving her, even though I know that everyone who has babysat her will take good care of her and is totally pumped to do it. Her and I have spent extra time snuggling and everything lately, just in case. I think she has been picking up on some of the stress going on in this house right now. I feel like babies are more perceptive than we give them credit for. I get nervous that she'll feel like I'm ditching her. But then I remember that she's only 3 months old (as of today! how crazy!) and probably doesn't think of that. Plus it's good for her to spend some time with other people in my opinion. It's crazy, after becoming a parent I feel like everything I do will ruin her. We used to always tell my mom that she worried too much, and she'd always say, "Just wait until you're a parent...then you'll understand!" Yet again, my mom was right! However, I'm slowly beginning to realize that where my baby sleeps or how much time she's held or how many onesies she has or how long she sits in a poopy diaper that I didn't know about etc. etc. etc. is not going to determine what kind of kid she is; my parenting, discipline, and love will handle that.