Monday, July 27, 2009

Running Around

Today would have been my mom's 51st birthday. Needless to say, it was a bit rough. Audrey and I went to go visit my mom's grave this morning with sunflowers (her favorite), and I don't know what I expected to see, but it's not completely covered yet. I mean, her coffin is buried but it's not covered in grass or anything. It was just tough to see. The reality of the situation is beginning to seep through lately since there are more and more occassions where I realize that she's not here and she's not coming back. It kind of feels like she's on vacation or something, but then I realize she's not. I always think of things that I know she'd want to hear or that she could help me with, but then it hits me that I never ever will be able to tell her. It's so weird.

Other than that, we visited this clinic that had be really really helpful when I first found out that I was pregnant. I know some people think those kind of places pressure you but honestly, I know they are pro-life, but it wasn't one of those overly preach-y kind of places. And believe me, I'm not big on the whole WWJD kind of thing. Yes, some of the brochures they had given me did talk about God and morals and whatnot, but I never felt pressured into choosing life--I had already made that decision in my own mind. They have some great resources and were very friendly. It just pisses me off when people talk about places like that in a bad way. My experience with that clinic was really very positive. I guess if ever in that situation, it's best to go into a place like that as level-headed as you can, keeping in the back of your mind that the decision is yours and yours alone. But annnyyywaay, they were very excited to meet little Audrey, and had heard about my mom (yes, it's a rather small town) and expressed their support if needed.

By the way, Audrey has been so happy lately for some reason. She is suuuch a ham. She always has this ridiculously large grin plastered across her face, and sometimes, I can even get her to giggle. It is honestly the most adorable thing I have ever heard in my life, and I am willing to do just about anything to hear it. I act like the world's biggest idiot just to get one little laugh. Ok, ok, yes, I admit it, I'm officially a mom. She's also getting more sloppy I think. Well, I don't know if sloppy is the right word, but she's always covered in drool or else dripping milk all over the place (which is why she's rocking a bib more often). Here she is all set to chow down and looking like a big cheeseball:

Speaking of chowing down, our neighbors invited us down for a lovely little dinner tonight as a way to take our minds off of some of the craziness going down. It helped. They're like family. Plus, they make good food, which is never a bad thing. It's amazing how supportive everyone has been throughout this whole situation. My mom obviously associated herself with some good people!

On our way down to our neighbors I snapped this little picture of Audrey's feet. It's crazy, for some reason I always have to count her toes. It's just hard to believe that the big guy in the sky gets it right almost every time. It just doesn't seem possible that I (or I guess, Spencer and I) built her with my body. Insanity.

1 comment:

  1. this post really exemplifies the beautiful person you are jen. and I love the fact that you are still staying true to yourself. not to mention the mothering comments are really priceless.