Friday, April 2, 2010

Birthday Girl!!!

Audrey is officially ONE YEAR OLD! Now that doesn't even seem possible, does it?! It's insane. That's all I can say. It's felt like both the longest and the shortest year of my life allllllll at the same time. Just a year ago, we were feeling eachother out during our first few days home from the hospital. I was exhausted and nervous but completely in love. She was still making sure she trusted us and NURSING THE HELL OUT OF ME. It's so funny, I remember that she pretty much kept at least one eye open ALL night during that first night home. My mom and I said she just didn't trust us yet. She was thinking, "Who the heck are you people and who let you take me home?!"
(This adorable picture was taken by my friend Michele. She took a bunch of her when she visited a little while ago and I completely forgot to post them! That'll be another day :) )

And now look at us?! I pick pacifiers up off the ground and give them to her. I let her wander around the kitchen while I clean up from breakfast. I know it's ok to give her a few minutes of fussing before I peel myself out of bed in the morning to feed her. I HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN. Oh my, things have changed.

Here's a few pictures of her birthday party, but you can see more here. Luckily, Lee took lots of pictures at the big bash because I was pretty busy and kept forgetting to take my camera out! The party turned out great! There were about 50 people that came! It got big haha. But it was a great time, and Audrey seemed to have a lot of fun. She did get a little nervous at first, but she calmed down pretty well. She got a whole lot of loot, such as LOTS AND LOTS of books! Overall, it was a wonderful day!

Audrey had her little fruit tart, and she was ALLLLLL about it. It was so funny. At one point I thought she was reaching for the cake, but nope, she just wanted more blueberries! I'm proud of her :)

One change that I am not too fond of is not having my mom anymore. It's been a little rough lately with Audrey turning one. I mean, obviously I'm thrilled and it's been so fun and exciting, but it's also very bittersweet. For example, on Audrey's birthday I just kept thinking about being in labor at the hospital with my mom a year go, walking around through my contractions, laughing at pictures of ugly babies, pushing as my mom counted REALLLLLYYY SLOOWWWWLLLYY in attempt to get me to push longer (that didn't make me too happy!). I miss her so, so much. Each milestone is exciting, but it's also a reminder that the person I'd most like to share it with--my mother--is not here. I know, I know, she's in a better place and she can still see everything, but I'm honestly tired of hearing that. She's not HERE. She's not seeing it. And that sucks. I just know how excited she'd be to see all of this. I know she'd brag about Audrey to all of her friends. I know she'd spoil her, even if I told her not to. I'm so so lucky to have all of the support I still have, but nothing will ever take the place of having my mom here.


1 comment:

  1. aw jen! (this is whitney) i was just reading this and literally started crying! i'm so proud of how well you're doing (as weird as that sounds) i honestly dont think i could ever be doing as well as you are. you've made it through so much and you have a gorgeous baby girl that is going to grow up to be an amazing person. i just know it.

    i'm so sorry your mom isnt there to see what an amazing mother you've become. but trust me, she knew you would be. everyone did. and i know how much it sucks not having a parent around to see how great you're doing. every day i wish my dad could see me and be proud of me, and it sucks knowing that he wont be around for certain things in my life. but i know that someone will be there for me. and you have so many great people there for you already. you'll make it through everything!

    i really wish i could get to meet audrey! she is growing up so fast, i cant believe i havent met her yet! this summer i will make sure that i see you two, i promise. but if you ever need to talk about anything or ever just need someone to complain to, i'm always around! miss you!